True Blood – “And When I Die”

Holy crap. I mean, seriously. That was intense. This season really stepped up the quality and intensified the stakes for the True Blood universe. And I guess it’s a little too obvious to say that the first two and last two episodes of the season were, by far, the best. I mean… that’s kind of the idea of the season premier and the season finale, isn’t it? But still… True Blood knows how to manipulate its audience and knows just what to do to keep us on edge until next season. And maybe I’m not thinking broadly enough, but I do appreciate that True Blood gives us more to look forward to in the next season than one simple question, which I feel is how a lot of shows like this handle season finales. All the storylines get wrapped up nice and neatly, and then, in the last five minutes, something craaaaazy happens and you wait a few months (or a year) to see the end of the scene. But True Blood plants the seeds for a whole new set of circumstances in the next season. I had hoped that it would be the Bill-Eric-Nan dream team going against the AVL and The Authority, but my dreams were splattered all over Bill’s office floor.

I guess, taking a step back, this is what True Blood does right… and what elevates it from a mere “monster of the week” type serial. It uses the supernatural elements to completely upend the rules every once in a while, which gives the same characters and the same town something to react to that is totally new and different. I mean, what does the world look like WITH Russell Edgington and WITHOUT Nan Flanagan and WITH a vampire Pastor Steve Newlin?!?!?! Plus, while I don’t believe for a second that the Sookie-Bill-Eric love triangle is resolved, it will be interesting to see how she navigates her dependence on the two of them without turning it into something more. And surely I’m not the only one who’s hoping she decides to take Alcide up on his offer?

Oh… so much to talk about. Another random thought: Russell Edgington is the principal threat. Debbie Pelt is a V-addicted, shotgun-wielding psychopath, and Gran and Rene are back on the scene? It’s like the end of season three and season one collided. It may not be savvy or sophisticated, but it is such a guilty pleasure for a TV viewer to get to see old characters back again… not only for the added drama they bring, but also because, as in the case with Rene, there are some damn good actors who had to die for the sake of the story.

Fortunately, no such casualties in this episode. Yes, we lost Jesus (I’ve been trying to avoid writing “I hope Jesus dies” all season long… it just looks wrong and I’m too lazy to find out how to type in the accent mark), and it appears Tara is history too (HOORAY!!!), but as my friend Sara commented, “this is True Blood” so it remains to be seen if Tara having half her head blown off will turn out to be fatal.

And in case you’re wondering, yes, I am still peeved that we never got any closure on the crazy faerie mess that opened this season, Jason’s were-panther chain rape or Tara’s venture into the world of lesbian ultimate fighting, but my instincts tell me that at least two of those threads will be picked back up next season, so let’s hope True Blood rewards its faithful followers with a call back to those bizarre diversions sometime in season five.

I really can’t say enough about how strong this episode was – True Blood writers know how to kick it into high gear for the season finales. It wasn’t just the plot development; this episode had some great dialogue. Some of it was thoughtful: “Nobody taught Tommy how to love somebody without hurting them.” Some of it was hilarious: “I’m going to bring by one of my famous pork rind casseroles later.” And some of it was completely ridiculous, in perfect True Blood style: “How?” “Weird question to ask me, but if you really want to know… uhhh, missionary, then doggie, then her on top…” Oh, and now that Hoyt is no longer with Jessica – will there be a happy Fortenberry family reunion?

I had to smile at Sam’s conversation with Luna… it was very meta to have Luna comment on how if they are too happy or “cute and cheesy” as she put it, then God (aka the writers) will “drop a brick on our heads.”

Without my girl Nan, I’m going to need twice the Pam next season to meet my badass blonde bitch needs. So, I hope she and Eric resolve their issues so she’s not banished from Bon Temps or Fangtasia. Her little temper tantrum was so excellent… so truly, truly excellent. “I am so over Sookie and her precious faerie vagina and her unbelievably stupid name!” Her breakdown was another great indicator of what is one of the most enduring and genuine relationships in the True Blood universe – that between Eric and Pam, his progeny. I think that would be a good storyline to follow into next season – especially now that Eric and Sookie aren’t actually together – seeing how Eric balances his loyalties between the two most important women in his life. I did find Eric’s lovesick puppy dog schtick during Sookie’s scene with him and Bill a little disingenuous for his character, but I guess it was a callback to the Eric she fell in love with when he was, as Bill put it “brain damaged.”

Last thought: I realize True Blood isn’t exactly Emmy fodder, but Nelsan Ellis is a freaking amazing actor. He made those possessions – if not believable – at least not cartoonish. Between him and Fiona Shaw and Deborah Ann Woll, there was some serious acting on display this season. This show kicks so much ass – it may not be loftily intellectual, but it knows that and provides the tongue-in-cheek insanity along with some legitimate social commentary and, what’s most important: a fun, engaging story that will keep me waiting not-so-patiently for the season five premiere.

Other awesome awesomeness:

• “You can’t trade magic like f*cking Pokemon cards!”
• “I’m just a fairy honey. Ain’t nothing scary about fairies!”
• “Zombies are the new vampires.”
• “I have been alive for 816 years; I refuse to be retired like a fat first wife.”

True Blood – “Soul of Fire”

Marnie kills one of her followers, Casey – it was the inevitable step we needed to make her eventual death justified. It demonstrated that she was past the point of return and irredeemable.

There was a lot of comedy in this episode (True Blood comedy, that is… camp). Physical comedy… Antonia as she is being “bound” by Marnie and the vampires as they’re being drawn into Marnie’s shield. Plus, the exchange outside the Moongoddess Emporium between Pam, Bill, Eric, Jessica and Jason was possibly the funniest dialogue in this season. Unfortunately, the funniest parts are a series of f words and a marvelous moment of Pam referring to Sookie as a “gash in a sun dress.” It was, as a whole, brilliant, but doesn’t necessarily need to be repeated line for line here. Oh, and some of Marnie’s expressions were just a riot, too. Like her reaction after Roy offers to shoot Casey when Jesus claims she still has a pulse. Hysterical.

We needed the comedy, though, because there was a lot of heaviness this episode… including the deaths of two major characters, one at the hands of our resident noble knight-in-shining-armor Alcide.

I guess I have to acknowledge the scene where Andy has faerie sex in the woods. On the one hand, I’m glad to see the faeries come back into the picture when it seemed like, at the beginning of the season, they were going to play such a big role. On that same hand, I am encouraged to see Andy integrated into some of the major storylines when so often he’s relegated to the fringes. But on the other hand… faerie sex.

Another scene I found underwhelming: Eric and Bill agreeing to kill themselves for Sookie’s release. So much ridiculous melodrama. Sookie’s breakdown was eye-roll-ariffic. Marnie’s request does nothing for her cause, though it does continue her psychological storyline and apparent need for power. As usual, the one redeemable piece of the puzzle was Pam… who declines to watch her maker die for the sake of “f*cking Bo Peep.” Pam’s dedication to Eric is one of the most functional and consistent relationships in the whole True Blood universe.

Jesus and Lafayette in the bathroom with dead Casey and that whole witchdoctor thing still doesn’t resonate with me. I’m hoping that storyline trails off now that it’s served its purpose. Even Lafayette as a medium possessed by the soul of Marnie is preferably to the witchdoctor stuff. At least it’s Lafayette. Is it just me? Or is Jesus a boring character?

We lost one interesting character this week – Marcus, and I’m afraid we might have lost another. What role does Debbie Pelt have in this world without Alcide? She was horrible and annoying last season, but this season, there was some complexity to her, and I have to give props to the actress. I guess the bar’s not too high on True Blood (point in case: Sookie in the circle of fire), but Debbie was a stand out all the same.

Remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned that the writers trot out Sookie’s mindreading powers whenever its convenient then forget about it for long stretches? Well, how about the scene where Marnie convinces everyone to join her in a “protection” spell? Wouldn’t that have been a good time for Sookie to take a quick peek behind the curtain and realize that Marnie was just harnessing the others’ power for the sake of furthering her own vengeance against the vampires? Instead, she can hear Jason’s thoughts and conveniently pull her faerie powers out to prevent the death of her vampire lovers.

And speaking of vampire lovers, my favorite badass is back with a vengeance, ripping out hearts and sucking the blood from the valves like a straw!

Here’s what still ticking me off though… we have one episode left in the season… and Tara’s lesbian kickboxing life is a distant memory, as is Jason’s gangbang at the hands of werepanthers. Plus, we still don’t know what happened to Steve Newlin, although based on some Twitter banter I’ve seen, I have a good feeling that last question will be answered in the final episode.

It just seems like a lot to tackle in one episode, and I realize we’re going to have some cliffhangers, and I’ve come to terms with that, but to completely ignore two major characters’ early-season arcs just seems lazy and sloppy to me.

I guess we’ll see what happens next week.

True Blood – “Burning Down the House”

I’m less than eight minutes into this episode, and I’m already excited about the return of Eric; the long, meaningful glances between him and Sookie were pretty intense and now we know that he’s going to remember everything about his time with Sookie. The scene at the rally was short but had a lot of good character insight. I loved watching Nan throw down the cameras and exclaim “image!” to Bill. And once again, the writers trotted out Sookie’s super powers when they were backed into a corner and needed a quick escape. But whatever, I enjoyed this episode a hell of a lot more than the last one, so a little plot contrivance is okay by me.

We also start to see more about the union between Marnie and Antonia. Good on you, True Blood writers, because I didn’t see that coming. Marnie may not be the more powerful of the two, but she’s now the most bloodthirsty. We saw Antonia’s sincere regret at the rally, as she watched a human child try to wake her mother. And later, at Moon Goddess Emporium, we find out that Antonia is struggling with the implications of her mission while Marnie is committed to the cause of wiping out vampires completely.

The Hoyt/Jason/Jessica was a little stalled this week. The aftermath of Jason and Jessica’s roll in the hay was predictable, and I thought it was very true to Jason’s character to have him ask Jessica to glamour him. He may have some noble moments, but he’s still at his core, the dumb-as-dirt townie man-slut who is still hanging on to his former high school football glory. And Jessica’s response is even better; “F*ckin’ humans. I’m going to go find somebody to eat.”

You have to give the writers credit for knowing the characters – this is Jessica’s go-to mindset when she has trouble with her man: no more doe-eyed small-town girl; she’s a foul-mouthed ass-kicking vampire once more.

Alcide is now involved in our Sam/Tommy storyline, and as sad as that situation was, I had to laugh at Alcide in the car, trying to comfort Tommy: “Stitches, duct tape, pretty nurse… you’ll be all right.” Duct tape? Greatness.

I don’t know how I feel about Tommy’s death – I just never really got the character resolution I felt I needed for him, though his final words were really powerful “There ain’t no heaven… and hell’s a dog fight. I’m gonna disappear like I never was… You were the best part of my life.” I guess it’s more true-to-life to have him die without being redeemed completely; he was clearly still a work in progress. That said, from a storytelling perspective, I’m a little disappointed. I guess the writers needed him to die to give Sam a reason to elevate his conflict with Marcus, and based on what we saw at the end of the episode, that’s not going to end well for someone. And man, Alcide just cannot stay out of the drama for even one episode. If it’s not vampires, it’s shifters. And next episode, I imagine it will be the werewolf that’s sleeping with his girlfriend. I wonder if Alcide’s leadership potential has been hinted at because he will eventually take over the pack once Marcus dies either as a result of his conflict with Sam or as a result of his relationship with Debbie.

The most important scene in this episode was the one back at King Bill’s. Bill tells Nan she’s not in charge anymore; it was great to see in-control Bill back again. Then, we get Sookie and Eric’s post-amnesia interaction. “And I remember everything… us… nothing’s changed.” “Except you.” “I haven’t changed. I’m just more.” That’s all well and good, but we see the tell-tale signs of old Eric almost immediately – when he tells Sookie that she’s “his,” and when Sookie protests  about blowing up the Moon Goddess Emporium with Tara inside, Eric says, “They bet on the wrong horse. That’s too bad.” Then, after that one-two punch, he quips “loveable, isn’t he?” when Bill tells Sookie that he can’t let Antonia live just because Tara’s with her. Huzzah! Eric’s back! And the only person who may be more excited than me is Pam… loved their heartfelt reunion.

And speaking of heartfelt, Sookie admits to Eric that she still has feelings for Bill, and when Eric says he loves her… well, she doesn’t say it back. I hope the inevitable action of the vampire-witch showdown doesn’t take away from this plot point, because I’m dying to see Sookie hash this out… or maybe she won’t. Maybe this twisted love triangle will continue to be an underlying story as the series continues.

I’m only seventeen minutes in on my re-watch now, and I realized I’m pretty much done discussing the important parts of the episode… the rest was pretty uneventful. Sure, we got Terry and Andy at Camp Bellefleur, which was cute and funny and maybe that’s all the resolution we’ll get to Andy’s struggle to overcome his V addiction, but it wasn’t that memorable or exciting. I will say, though, that I’m glad they’ve elevated Terry’s profile in the series – I find myself liking him more each episode. Plus, as usual, Andy gets one of the funniest lines of the episode: “I’m a sheriff and you’re only a fry cook so I f*cking win.”

I can’t say that I don’t like Jesus, and I can’t pinpoint what it is about him that brings the action down, but for me, there’s an undeniable ennui that settles in every scene he’s in. Maybe he just tones down Lafayette too much. I’m not sure what it is, but I find his storyline and the scenes he’s in completely unremarkable. But he made inroads with Antonia/Marnie and found out that Marnie’s not exactly innocent in this situation, so hopefully, that information will be useful to the vampire mod squad we see riding up in slow-mo at the end of the episode.

And I kind of wish they hadn’t included Tara, Holly, Lafayette and Sookie inside the Moon Goddess Emporium in the preview for next week’s epsidode… I would’ve found it much more intriguing if we weren’t exactly sure what happened to them when Marnie put the spell on them that made them disappear. Oh well… next week should be interesting once Bill and Eric find out that Sookie’s inside the building they plan to blow up.

True Blood – “Let’s Get Out of Here”

Remember back before everyone hated Jeremy Piven? I loved him. LOVED HIM. Because he was in one of my favorite movies – PCU. If you’ve never seen it, do. It’s awesome. At least it was the last time I saw it, which was probably ten years ago. But still. In the movie, Jeremy and his ragtag bunch of misfits throw a party, and either the name of the party or the name of the band playing the party is “Everybody Gets Laid.”

This episode made me think of that… can you guess why? Jessica and Jason? Sam and Luna? Sookie and Eric and Bill? Okay, so the last one didn’t exactly happen, but it was pretty steamy there for a while. I think all the sex is just a way to make us feel that the story is still moving while they’re really just setting up the pieces for the final showdown. Think about it – we got resolution on the Lafayette and Jesus have magic powers story, the baby doll and Mikey the possessed baby. We know that Tara is still loyal to Sookie, despite her alliance with Antonia. And we know that Sookie still loves Bill. So now it’s just a matter of “how does it all end?”

Let’s talk first about Tara. Because I didn’t hate her this episode. Don’t get me wrong, I still want her to go away, and at this point in the story, I don’t understand the point of having her living a new lesbian life as a New Orleans cage fighter, but at least she demonstrated a little bit of backbone and intelligence this episode. But truly, she keeps getting mixed up on the wrong side of good and evil, taken in by the allure of things she thinks will help her that only end up causing her incredible pain and suffering. If she was ready to give up after Franklin, I can imagine her fall from grace with Antonia will not end well for Tara. Alternatively, the writers could decide to ignore the breakdown from last season and simply make her stronger for her new trails… but I think that’s a cop-out, quite honestly. Her friendship with Sookie and her kinship to Lafayette aside, Tara has NOTHING to stay for in Bon Temps. Sookie is mixed up with vampires, and Lafayette is a medium dating a braja – if Tara wants out of the supernatural world, I say, go to New Orleans and tell Sookie and Lafayette you’ll see them on Facebook, bitches.

Maybe I was more forgiving of Tara this week because we got such gold from Nan (but no Pam – *tear*). When Jessica is pouring her heart out to Nan in an obvious bid for some female sympathy, Nan comes back with “You know, I’ll admit there have been times when I’ve considered putting my career on hold and become a maker, but these last several hours with you have erased those doubts forever.”  Brilliant. Just. Freaking. Brilliant.

Plus, Nan and Bill in chains arguing was hysterical too. “The cameras had better find you in a festive and tolerant f*cking mood.”

But let’s talk about Sookie’s dream. Because… wow. I’m really just glad that they finally acknowledged the residual feelings between Sookie and Bill. I knew it couldn’t just be gone. And it will be interesting to see how they resurface when and if Eric is returned to his former self. But kudos to Sookie (or rather, to Sookie’s subconscious) for recognizing her feelings and making some demands of her own, even in dream form. I wish we would get to see how that dream prompts her to act around actual, non-dream Bill and Eric, but I’m afraid that with the action building between the witches and vampires, that’s not going to happen.

Really, this episode didn’t do a lot for me. Sam and Luna’s camping trip is a perfect example – this episode felt like a lot of moving pieces in order to extend the drama and get everyone in position for the big showdown.

I mean, we’ve known for weeks now that there’s going to have to be some resolution to the following problematic relationships:

• Sheriff Bellefleur and V
• Bill/Sookie/Eric
• Jessica and Hoyt
• Tommy and Sam
• Alcide/Debbie/Sookie

So now… I’m just getting impatient to see what, exactly, those resolutions will look like. Why did Tommy take the fall for Sam? Is this yet another attempt at redemption? What’s going on with Debbie? Sookie read her mind and seemed satisfied that her intentions were good, but she’s back on the V, and that’s not good at all.

This week was filler, and I don’t have much to say except I’m ready to see some of this drama come to a head. I guess we saw Antonia’s plan take shape at the end of the episode, but in the grand scheme of things – was that really any different from Russell Edgington’s public display of vampire violence? At this point, it doesn’t mean much to any of the characters we know and love. I’m hoping for more next week… and maybe another story resolution. The Mavis/Lafayette/Jesus/Mikey-the-posessed-baby story was the least interesting to me. So, I guess I’m glad we got it out of the way, but I’m ready for more. Oh, and if the whole were-panther thing turns out to be nothing more than an early season distraction, I’m going to be pissed.

Things I enjoyed:

• Debbie watching Cheaters
• “You two are vampires. What’s with all the morality?”
• Nan Flanagan – everything, all the time

True Blood – “Spellbound”

I’ll admit, it took me three viewings to feel I’d really watched this episode. I don’t know if I’ve just been exceptionally distracted, or if I lost all interest once it turned into Eric and Sookie’s snowfall sexcapades. I was all about new and interesting Eric before, but now I just want the old badass Eric back. No one who liked that Eric can tell me they like this version of his character better – or even close to the same. It was a fun change up for awhile, and hopefully, we’ll get something new next week now that Antonia seems to have put a new spell on him. Maybe it says something about me, but I’m done with poetry-quoting, sensitive, feelings-sharing Eric.

Anyway, let’s start at the beginning. Obviously, Jessica is safe. Jason saved her and thus shoehorned himself into another plot where he really doesn’t have any business. But whatever, it looks like we don’t have a choice in the matter – we’re going to get a clichéd, played-out, Jesse’s-girl love triangle from Hoyt, Jessica, and Jason. The True Blood writers have a way of making even the mundane seem interesting, so while I’m skeptical, I’m hopeful they’ll turn this into something worth watching. Both scenes with Hoyt and Jessica (the dream sequence and the actual break up) were pretty great -  Deborah Ann Woll and Jim Parrack are definitely a bright spot, acting wise, in the True Blood cast.

I don’t think I’m supposed to be empathizing with Marcus, but I kind of like him… maybe because he’s replacing Eric as the resident badass. He clearly has some anger problems and other unresolved… issues, but I liked that he was willing to admit to his pack that while their pride might lead them into conflict, their safety depends on staying away. I also liked that he sees Alcide’s leadership potential. That endeared me to Marcus a little, and he didn’t quite use up all his good will when he threatened Sam. “You pissed on the wrong boots” was a pretty funny line.

I wonder if the cat-Barbie/pony-Barbie exchange between Emma and Sam is foreshadowing anything; it seemed a little deliberate.

Okay, I guess I have to address the snowfall sex scene and Eric feeding on Sookie. All I have to say is… what the f*ck?

Actually, wait – I’ll get to that in a second. First, I think I’ve come to a realization about why I’m so over the new Eric. He’s completely one-dimensional. He lives to serve Sookie, much like Bill did in the beginning. And once we found out Bill wasn’t the pure noble gentleman we thought he was, he was a hell of a lot more interesting. This Eric is boring. “I won’t betray you. Ever.” Vomit.

So, Eric feeds off of Sookie and then invites her to drink his blood, saying “We will be one.” (vomit, again). Then it goes late-night porn on us with a little bit of romance novel fantasy thrown in for the fangirls, and basically… what, they’re high on each other? I hope there’s a better explanation than that, but if there is, it didn’t come out in this episode. Also, it seems like this kind of language and fancy-romancey crap is geared toward the Twilight set, and quite honestly, they shouldn’t be watching True Blood. Please tell me that adult women don’t find this overly sappy romantic bullshit appealing? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

What did become clear in this episode is that Fiona Shaw freaking rocks. She OWNED the scene with Tara (not that it’s hard to own any scene with Tara, but still…. DAMN). And you have to respect Antonia’s position, at least the way she articulates it (not so much the way she acts on it): it doesn’t matter who SHE is; every person deserves to be treated better than the way she and Tara (and others) have been treated by vampires.

God love Lafayette – I’m happy he’s found a good man, but he’s ten times funnier when he’s on his own. When he walked in – and immediately out – of the kitchen with nothing more than a “Aw hell…. f*ck this shit,” I died.

I will also admit – apparently because I REALLY wasn’t entirely paying attention the first time – I didn’t see the Tommy-as-Maxine thing coming. I could tell something was off about her during her dinner at Merlotte’s, and upon my second viewing, they set it up pretty obviously, but they shouldn’t have – it was more fun as a surprise.

Aaaaaaaaand Sookie and Eric are back in bed again. The writers take a lot of license with the timeline; lest anyone forget, mere days ago (in her mind), Sookie was still in love with Bill. And now the writers are shoving this Eric-and-Sookie-are-deeply-and-fatefully-in-love. It still feels a little too forced for me, and I would love it if it really did turn out to be a long con on Eric’s part… just a way to get Sookie’s blood, her love, her loyalty and her… well, you know.

We get the back story on Mavis finally… I wonder how, or if, her story will intersect with the Bellefleur family history we got earlier this year or Bill’s history in Bon Temps. And how did she and the doll show up in the first place? Wasn’t the first time we saw the doll when Hoyt and Jessica moved into their house? Was that the same house where her baby died? I’m not watching a fourth time.

Pam was underutilized in this episode, but she still manages to make an impact with just a few lines: “This is so f*cking lame!”

And finally, we have the big fight scene, which was shot pretty well, I thought. I wonder why Eric made the first move by ripping out that girl’s heart – that doesn’t seem to jive with his earlier stance on the whole war thing, not to mention his deference to King Bill. I guess it remains to be seen what kind of shape Eric is in next week.

And, of course, Alcide goes to save Sookie and Debbie follows – I’m looking forward to a little movement on that front next week.

Okay, to close out this week, some great lines from/to everyone’s favorite local sheriff. Andy Bellefleur is a character who is pretty low profile, but he always gets some great lines or hilarious interactions in whatever scene he’s in. Case in point:

• Jason, to Andy: “You serious? You would eat a pile of dead vampire Beulah Carter? Off the ground?”
• Andy, to Jason: “Jesus, tits and God America, Jason, what the f*ck is happening to me?”

True Blood – “Cold Grey Light of Dawn”

So, we’re a little over halfway through the season… and suddenly, we find ourselves in a very different world from where we started, but it seems to have come about naturally. The changes have built up very organically throughout the season, and things are humming along now. I don’t know about you, but I’m having a hell of a time.

Loved this week’s opening scene… we finally see how Antonia’s power translated to the modern world and how truly terrifying her potential is for the vampire population. The bitch is back… including my favorite bitch, Pam. I thought it was really clever how they got Tara and her gal pal out of Pam’s clutches this week. It would’ve been a little trite to have another eleventh-hour rescue from Bill or Sam or Alcide or whomever, but to have the “paparazzi” foil Pam’s plans was pretty fun.  Plus, “I am NOT a ZOMBIE!!!” Alright, enough of my Pam-lust.

We finally get to the point of the sojourn to Mexico – Lafayette is a medium and Jesus is the last of his kind (what kind is that, exactly? Witch doctor?) I’m wondering Lafayette will somehow be this season’s savior once he comes to terms with and accepts his new power.

Debbie and Alcide joined their new tribe then caught Eric and Sookie getting vampire non-vertical in the woods, and later, we finally see Debbie confront Alcide about his feelings for Sookie. He denies it, but I’m guessing that story isn’t over.

It appears that Tara’s story isn’t over either, unfortunately. I was begging her to go with her girlfriend back to New Orleans, be the Toni she always wanted to be and GTFO of Bon Temps already.

As for the Jason/Hoyt/Jessica triangle, I’m hoping his visions are lingering from when he drank her blood, because otherwise, it seems far too soap opera-y and dramatic for him to fall in love with this best friend’s girl just for the sake of a new storyline. That’s how a lot of Jason’s storyline’s feel, though – like the writers wondered, “what should we do with him? Well…. This random story thread needs some action, let’s throw Jason in there and have him f*ck everything up.”  All that is to say that I’m not particularly happy about the trajectory this story is taking. I think we need one relatively normal couple to set a standard for normalcy in a world with vampires. And I think that Hoyt and Jessica could be standard and still be an interesting and fun part of the True Blood story as they face the challenges of having a human-vampire relationship. I’ve been plenty entertained so far by the glamouring incident and by Hoyt’s Freudian slip about not needing “that shit” when Jessica offered him her blood.

Anyway, another thing I picked up this week regarding Jessica is how completely the writers have absolved Bill of turning her. It really reduced the weight of the decision he made and the consequences when she insists now that she’s better off as a vampire. I kind of think it’s a cop out on the writers’ part to keep us believing in Bill as the noble hero.

I want the old Eric back. I’m tired of this one. The bedroom scene where they braided each others’ hair and read poetry or whatever it was irked me. There was something about the way he said “Do you want me to go get them?” when Sookie observed that they’d left their clothes in the woods that really pissed me off. Eric is a pansy now, and that’s not nearly as hot as Eric the manipulative badass Viking destroyer. We did have the stage set, though, for Sookie and Eric to remain together whenever he does get his memory back. I’m curious to see how Eric will have changed once that happens – will he remember his time as Lame Eric? And how, as Lame Eric, he didn’t want to be ruthless badass Viking destroyer Eric anymore?

Oh, vanity, thy name is Pam. Her, uh… chemical peel(?) scene was hilarious; the only thing funnier was Ginger trying to last eight seconds on Pam’s pink bucking coffin.

I’m only halfway through my re-watch and past 700 words… better start wrapping up.

As much as I hate Tara, I will give it to the writers that she was the perfect person for Antonia to seek out to help her, and I did love her line “Aw, hell naw, you are the second to last person I want to see.”  The only thing I thought was odd was that Tara conveniently didn’t seem to find out that Lafayette was back in town during the necromancy ceremony, which if my earlier prediction is correct, means that Antonia will have some way of sensing Lafayette’s power. Because otherwise, I would guess he’d be first in line to help out. Maybe the baby and the woman only the baby and now, Lafayette can see will somehow play into the final showdown. Is the baby a medium?

Holly and Sheriff Bellefleur’s budding romance was pretty amusing. “I just bought the tie.” “They [the flowers] were on sale.” Smooth, brother, smooth.

I have to give major, major props to Deborah Ann Woll, who I thought did a truly outstanding job during the “silvering” scene and her eventual escape. She’s definitely one of the good ones. I wonder if Jason will be the one to save her, furthering their relationship, or if something else will happen to keep her from the sun.

Last but not least, I think Tommy Mickens is done for. As good of a guy as Sam is, I just don’t think he has any compassion remaining for his delinquent brother. I was really hoping for Tommy to find some kind of redemption, but I think he’s passed the point of no return.

True Blood – “I Wish I Was the Moon”

“Are you afraid?” “F*ck you. Pieces of me are falling off. I’m pissed.”

Man, I love Pam. Somebody make a convincing argument that Pam isn’t the best character on this show. Go on. I dare you. I may entertain arguments that Eric is the best, but other than that, I’m not hearing it. And as much as I love, love, love sweet innocent Eric for a change of pace, I don’t want him this way forever. I want the manipulative, deadly, calculating Eric back eventually, and I really have no doubt that the Eric we’ve grown to know and love (and fear) over the past three seasons will be back before too long. And I also have no doubt that his return will deliver the drama and insanity in a way that only True Blood can.

I know I’m supposed to be so caught up in the story and acting and pageantry of True Blood that I forget that Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin are together in reality, but I couldn’t help but get an added boost of guilty pleasure when Bill/Stephen walked in on Sookie/Anna hooking up with Eric/Alexander.

There wasn’t a lot of overt movement in the Bill/Sookie/Eric storyline this week, but the developments we got were pretty significant – and despite True Blood’s best efforts, there is some layered storytelling  going on here. I think that Bill’s history with Eric gives him a legitimate reason to hate and want to destroy Eric, and I believe he is partially motivated by jealousy, but I also think he takes his role as King of Louisiana seriously and genuinely wants to do right by his office. Or maybe I was just glamoured by the previous seasons’ depictions of Bill as the noble gentleman, and I’m not quite ready to write him off yet. And clearly, he still cares for Sookie’s happiness, so it was a little touching to see him really take in the fact that Sookie was now Eric’s – and that this new Eric might just be a better man than Bill. There is still a teensy tiny part of me that wonders if Eric “master manipulator” Northman might just be playing the long con. How epic would that be? I don’t think it’s the case, but it would be pretty awesome. And either way, “The vampire I used to be is a stranger to me. I have nothing to say in his defense… Tell [Sookie] I was born the night she found me, and because of her, I went to my true death knowing what it means to love – so tell her thank you.” SWOON!

Now that the sexual tension has been relieved, I wonder if Sookie and Eric will have the same chemistry they’ve had so far in the series. Will the inevitable resulting drama be enough to sustain us? Or will be wish to go back to a simpler time – a time when we didn’t get everything we asked for – and Sookie and Eric Scully-and-Muldered their way through the series? Yeah, I used it as a verb. What of it?

Wait a second – WHY WAS TERRY HOLDING AN ARMADILLO the morning after the fire? Totally out of context and never explained. Just bizarre… but also kind of hilarious. The fire at Terry and Arlene’s made me wonder if maybe we’re being misled – what if the doll is possessed, not the baby? Maybe the woman we saw, that presumably Mikey saw too, is connected to the doll itself? If I’m right, I’ll point you back here in a few weeks, but if I’m wrong, well, this thing has an edit post feature, right?

Okay, back to the good part… I swear they are making Tara a lesbian so people won’t hate her character anymore… I can hear the writers’ conversation “Let’s put her in skimpy panties and show her making out with a girl… people will like her then.” Wrong.

In other things I don’t care about news, Lafayette and Jesus went to Mexico and blah blah snooze. Who cares? That whole thing was dumb.

And in other things that are dumb news, I am going to be so pissed if that whole Hot Shot train-rape storyline goes absolutely nowhere. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to Jason becoming a were-panther, but having him go through all of that for nothing is equally maddening. I’m hoping there are at least going to be some panther pups to tend to later this season or early next.

I think I’ve missed a few things, though – can someone with a good memory or a few minutes to kill on Internet research remind me when Sheriff Bellefleur found out Sam was a shifter? Because I don’t remember that, and I also don’t remember where his beef with Sam originated. It’s getting kind of old now, though I did laugh when he called Sam a slumlord, and I’m looking forward to his date with Holly. That should be an entertaining train wreck.

Oy. Lots happened this week… let’s wrap it up. Tommy killed his parents, so now he’s a “skin walker,” if, that is, he’s still alive. Clearly there are some ramifications from shifting into a human and raping another shifter/skin walker. Remember when I said Sam’s budding “normal” relationship was doomed? Now, not only does he have a kid and a psycho werewolf ex to deal with, his brother screwed his woman and then threw her out like trash. Although, if anyone’s going to believe Sam’s story, I guess it’s her.

I did enjoy him telling Sookie what everyone’s been thinking for years… she’s a terrible employee and just like he said, always dragging trouble along after her.

Someone else who is always dragging trouble? Debbie Pelt. She’s roped Alcide into a new pack against his will… wonder how that will pan out for the two of them.

We also got some good development on Antonia and the witch-vampire history. Interesting that Luis is back in presence of the witch again… I predict a very unpleasant end for him. And right now, it looks like an unpleasant end for Tara too, which is fine by me. Next week looks intense; here are some hilarious lines to break the tension until then:

•  “I’m a police officer… and a were-panther… back off!”
• “I’ll be here to help you, anyway I can… other than shooting you in the head.”
• “I should’ve known… this is a sex thing isn’t it?”
• “I barely know any regular humans any more.”
• “Everybody’s got something in them they’re ashamed of… or can just do without really trying.”  “Like how I’m extra good at sex, and shooting?” “Uh huh.”

True Blood – “Me and the Devil”

We got a lot of action in this week’s True Blood, but a lot of it was really dark – not as much of the over-the-top funny tongue-in-cheekiness that has been central to this season so far. Not that I’m complaining. It was just tough to watch Tommy kill his parents – regardless of how horrible they are, and his clear remorse gave me another bit of (probably false) hope that we’ll eventually see Tommy’s redemption. It was also hard to watch Godric rip into Eric about being evil, damned, etc. (though I was just waiting with bated breath for the eventual Tara-Eric confrontation, and it was every bit as awesome as I expected).

I guess it might get old after awhile, but right now, I just can’t get enough of innocent, doe-eyed Eric. Loved watching him bond with Sookie after his bad dream. Who called it after episode two that they would flip the dynamic between Sookie and Eric to make their relationship believable? Go ahead… scroll down. I’ll wait. That’s right. It was me. Boom.

Who also called the irony of sex-crazed Jason being gang-raped? (Hint: It was also me) It was great to see him reflect on and own up to his past philandering ways. I can’t get a good read on what his messed up Hoyt-Jessica dream meant (or means); perhaps it’s related to his imminent transformation?

And in other horrifying sexual relationship news, I was glad Bill glamoured Portia out of love with him because her pro-incest stance was not convincing me at all – call me short-sighted, narrow-minded or whatever, but that whole situation gave me a serious case of ick.

What I really loved about this episode, though, were the few moments that were so relatable for those of us trying to understand what constitutes “reasonable” behavior in a world of witches, vampires, werewolves and shape-shifters. It’s all too common, especially in horror/suspense, that for the sake of plot, the characters choose the most complicated or convoluted path to their eventual demise or escape. It’s the girl who runs upstairs when the killer is at the back door instead of out the front door and to the neighbor’s house. I’m not saying for one second that True Blood doesn’t take its fair share of convenient plot turns, but I was right there with Jesus, Lafayette and Tara when they decided to GTFO of Bon Temps. Plus, the whole time Tommy was freaking out about Sheriff Bellefleur pulling him and Sam over, I was thinking “shift into a dog, a fly, a mouse, whatever – this is a solvable problem!!!” So, it’s always nice, especially when they have supernatural means at their disposal, for the characters to make a logical decision.

Speaking of utilizing supernatural powers, I had actually forgotten that Sookie could read minds…  I’m sure that would’ve been useful in any number of ways over the past dozen or so episodes when it was conveniently ignored, but whatever.

I felt like we got a solid background on the relationship between witchcraft and vampirism, and it was interesting to see Sookie confront Marnie and Holly… there’s clearly more to this story that will be revealed over time – like what threat Marnie poses, exactly, since we discovered through Bill’s interrogation that she legitimately has no conscious idea how she is performing the spells – but I was satisfied with what we learned this week. And as usual, learning more about how vampires have infiltrated major social, political, religious and business influencers (Google? Of course) is always a fun glimpse into this messed up world.

Random “loved it” scenes from this week:

Numero uno (in honor of our new friend the goat-killing Mexican shaman): Seeing Lettie Mae “Mrs. Daniels” again. She’s a crazy old broad, and I loved that since Terry and Arlene don’t have a demon, the sage will work for ghosts too.

Numero dos: Bill suggesting a “cosmetic solution” to Pam’s problem. “Maybe some extra lipstick.”

Numero tres: And oooohhhhh shhhhiiiiiitttt… Pam accidentally revealed the she knew what happened to Eric and where he was, and now Bill is en route to catch Sookie and Eric getting’ tender. Next week is going to be good!

True Blood – “I’m Alive and on Fire”

“You drank the whole faerie, and you’re going to your room!”

This week’s opening scene was pretty good – it’s so much fun to have characters that have always been rather one-dimensional suddenly (even by witchcraft) take on a whole new personality, and we’ve actually had a lot of that this season. Eric, obviously – his swimming scene was just hysterical. Bill with his newfound power, no longer mooning over Sookie.  Even Pam has been a bit transformed emotionally as she desperately tries to protect her maker, and as we see at the end of the episode, physically as well.  Nan Flanagan hasn’t changed, though –she’s still a ball-busting, badass bitch, and I love her for it.

Jason’s also undergone a change – several, in fact. I was so glad Jason finally escaped, but I did find it curious that he didn’t even try to take that girl with him. Since we’re being fed Jason as the noble hero right now, I’ll chalk that up to the fever. It was an interesting turn to see the former man slut of Bon Temps touting the benefits of appropriate courtship and “make the first time special” lovemaking.

I’m getting more and more curious about the witchcraft angle. I think they’re weaving it nicely this season, even laying the foundation last season, as opposed to just throwing another mystical creature into the mix. I like that there’s a pre-existing knowledge and relationship between witches and vampires, and I can’t wait to see how that all ties together.

That said, I found this episode pretty underwhelming as a whole; we still seem to be in build-up mode. There’s clearly some unresolved tension between Sookie and Alcide, so I’m interested to see how that plays out. And as much of a dick as Tommy Mickens is, I was heartbroken to see him back under Joe Lee’s control.  Sam’s a decent guy and good with kids – big surprise.

Oh, what WAS good was the parlor scene with Portia’s grandmother (Bill’s, great, great, great granddaughter) played by – was that Mona Katherine Helmond? I loved seeing Bill play the southern gentleman and charm the Bellefleur matriarch. I guess, though, I’m surprised that as much sex as these vampires seem to have, and given that Bill is living in the same town where he lived when he was alive, that this whole ancestry issue hasn’t come up before – I mean, I’d be surprised if he wasn’t distantly related to Sookie, too.

I guess credit where it’s due – True Blood is an equal opportunity offender. They’ll go “there” with gore, violence, sex and everything else taboo including a rape train and incest.  But still… ick.

I also feel like the demon baby storyline is being forced a little. I’m not sure if I’m glad it’s getting a little build up every week or if I think it needs to pay off so we can all move on. Jury’s still out, but I guess it was good this week to see incontrovertible evidence that, to quote Hank Hill, “that boy ain’t right.”

As for the final scene, I’m still not quite sure how much of the witchcraft is coming from Marnie and how much is coming from Antonia – there’s clearly some possession going on, but I think Marnie has something to hide, too. Either way, I was devastated to see Pam all zombified; so much of her badassery comes from the fact that she’s smoking hot.

Question of the night: I wonder what happens when a newly infected-but-not-yet-completely-transformed panther-ghost-daddy-whatever gets vampire blood in his system?

Line of the night: “They don’t make necromancers like they used to, Bill.” – My girl Nan

True Blood – “If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin’?”

Friends – sorry for the delay on this week’s True Blood post. Blame a broken Internet connection, broken elevators, broken air conditioner and broken neck. I’ve conquered them all to bring you this review…. finally.

Shirtless Eric calling Sookie “Snooki?” Not a bad way to start this week’s episode. Just when you think the writers are content with just being insane and taking us along for the ride (like the witches’ discussion of their right to freedom from religious oppression by vampires), we get a glimpse of what gives True Blood a layer of substance underneath all the frippery. Changing the paradigm of Sookie and Eric’s relationship by having his mind conveniently wiped by the witches was a great way to build a believable new dynamic between those two characters and make the Bill-Sookie-Eric love triangle legitimate to viewers who, for three seasons, have been convinced that Bill and Sookie are the Bon Temps Romeo and Juliet/Ross and Rachel/Sam and Diane/David and Maddie (look it up)/Jim and Pam/etc.

I did get my panther backstory, but it was pretty unsatisfying… not to mention, unintelligible. The Hot Shot folks need subtitles like on Swamp People. I maintain, though, that that whole situation is just a little too screwed up to be amusing. I mean… running a train on Jason? Did I interpret that scene correctly? Because, ew.

I also maintain that the manifestation of vampire politics in modern society is the best part of True Blood. The scene with King Bill meting out punishment for the anti-vampire viral Facebook video was phenomenal. And the second best part is seeing how vampirism affects “normal” relationships. I have no doubt that there will be ramifications for Jessica glamouring Hoyt… it will be interesting to see how that plays out.

I’m not sure what the hell is going on with that creepy baby doll, but I do love that with True Blood, unlike some shows *cough* Lost *cough* you know that when they plant a seed for something insane, there will be payoff at some point down the line. By my count, these are the “seeds” we’ve got planted that we can hope to see grow this season: the creepy baby doll, the strange woman Eric saw while he was being bewitched (is that the same woman Marnie conjured?), Luna’s mysterious past, Arlene and Terry’s devil-baby, the whole faerie storyline… what else am I missing?

It was great to see Alcide again; mostly because he’s hot. I would wonder how he and Debbie will play into the storyline this season, but as long as he’s around and occasionally shirtless, I’m good with whatever. Other things that came up this episode that I’m feeling overwhelmingly “meh” about: Bill’s new relationship with Portia (I kind of like her; she has a sophistication Sookie lacks), Sam’s reunion with Tara (though it was good to see their history acknowledged); Tommy’s plan to defraud Mrs. Fortenberry out of her money (just showed us that Tommy hasn’t changed at all).

Overall, a solid episode, and as usual, Pam gets the best line: “I’ll give you 24 hours to deliver that witch to me, and if you don’t, I will personally eat, f*** and kill all three of you.” Oh, and Tara still sucks. Go back to N’awlins.